Author : Vicki Miller
"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now." - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD - 180 AD)Recently I found myself in a debate with a good friend. We both held different points of view on a particular subject. Half way through our discussion, I could sense the emotions (on both sides) growing. I felt that my friend was trying to tell me what to do and my initial reaction was to rebel. Later I reviewed the conversation in my mind saying– "Boy, he is so opinionated!" As soon as I said the words, I knew I was really talking about myself. You've probably heard the expression: "If you criticize behavior in another person, look in the mirror." Criticizing or judging another person usually means we don't like the same thing about ourselves. You may find this concept somewhat difficult to accept (and that's okay since you are entitled to your opinion!). Think about it for a moment though. When I was internally criticizing my friend for being so judgmental, what I was really saying was I wish I could be less judgmental. If you think that others need to be more loving, tolerant or patient, ask yourself – how do I demonstrate love, tolerance and patience? If you get angry at other drivers, take a look at your driving practices. If you judge someone else's appearance, how do you really feel about your appearance? If you think someone neglects their family, examine the time you spend with your family. If you criticize someone's spending habits, what's going on with your finances? If someone's lack of self-control upsets you, where are you out of control in your life?
As hard as it was for me to admit that I needed additional work in being non-judgmental, it was a valuable lesson for me to be more accepting and less attached to my opinions. Now there's nothing wrong with having opinions or viewpoints. We all have them. However if you find yourself getting angry or agitated when someone does not accept your opinion or live up to your standard, step back and look in the mirror. Ask yourself – "How do these thoughts make me feel (angry, hurt, frustrated)? What do I need to examine in myself? Who would I be without these judgmental thoughts?"When I stepped back and really looked at my particular situation, it was obvious what was happening. And when I asked the question: "Who would I be without the thought of 'he's so opinionated'?", my answer was – "I would be an accepting, peaceful person!" WOW – that's what I really want to be. How about you?Vicki S. Miller, CUCG, PCC / Copyright September 2006
************************************************************************************As a Life Transition Coach I teach clients the five steps to a prosperous life now! I help my clients identify and remove obstacles in the way and bring clarity and focus to their dreams. Are you undergoing a major transition and not clear where to turn? What's the most important thing you would ask a coach if given the opportunity? Call (972-306-4489) or email me, (coach.v.miller@verizon.net), to set up a complimentary, no obligation 30 minute telephone coaching session. Download my FREE e-Book, 12 Fun Ways to Change Your Life, or sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter at http://www.thrivingthroughchange.com or http://www.directsellingleadershipcenter.com.
Keyword : anger, judgment, critizing, behavior, judging, judgmental, opinionated, acceptance, stress, worry
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