Author : Dinorah Blackman
A friend of mine recently recorded a CD. She eagerly sent out complimentary copies to a number of friends whose opinions she truly valued. A few weeks later she began receiving reviews of her work. Most of the commentaries were positive and encouraging. However there was one person who put down her music and harshly criticized the arrangements, orchestrations and vocals.
My friend was terribly upset and bewildered by this person's reaction. She unhappily commented to me that she had at least expected congratulations. I tried to comfort her with the thought that she should focus on the people who enjoyed and benefited from her work, and forget those who did not appreciate her talent. I reminded her that we can only give what we have, so maybe that person did not know how to give any compliments because he never received any. I told her that instead of condemning him, she should feel really sorry for him because his cup was empty and he had nothing to share.A lot of times we confuse severity with sincerity. In the name of honesty we speak insensitive, judgmental words and we tend to be stingy and sparing with expressions of encouragement. We overlook the achievements of those close to us, we hesitate before offering uplifting words, we have a hard time finding something heartening to say, and sometimes we're downright rude and obnoxious. And it's all because we cannot give what we ourselves do not possess.People are longing for validation. A pat on the shoulder, a smile of encouragement, a short note expressing appreciation, can go a long way. You will just never know how happy you can make someone when you take a few minutes to let them know that you are interested in what goes on in their life.Some time ago I was encouraging my friend Dave*. He was momentarily suffering from dissatisfaction because things were not happening for him as quickly as he had expected. After my little pep talk, he thanked me and commented that he did not get a lot of encouragement from his wife. But what Dave failed to realize is that his wife probably has the same complaint about him. She was unable to speak the words of support that he needed to hear simply because she was not hearing any being voiced in her direction either!If you want to be appreciated and validated, then you must be generous with your kind words. This is not to say that you will allow everybody to get away with mediocre performance simply because you do not want to seem unkind. I have always said that we do others a great disservice when we allow them to believe that they are presenting acceptable work when they are not. However, your sincerity should always go along with expressions of high regard.1. Do unto others. The Golden Rule is still effective today. Always treat others the way you want to be treated.2. Do not over do it. There is a thin line between flattery and approbation. Be sincere without exaggerating.3. Be thankful. There is nothing worse than giving somebody your heartfelt congratulations and not even receiving a nod of recognition in return. Arrogance is never a good idea.4. Get even creatively. A few weeks ago I was standing in line at a bakery counter waiting to be served. A well-to-do woman walked up and pushed in front of me. My first thoughts were to shove her right back, but my four-year old was with me and I did not want her to learn a wrong lesson. The attendant, who had apparently seen what had occurred, signaled to me that she was ready to take my order, totally ignoring the rude woman, who was also accompanied by a little girl of about six. "No," I said in my sweetest sarcastic voice "please take her order first". I waved my hand with flourish to point at the offensive woman. She turned to me with a look of embarrassment before rattling off her order. Then she tried to engage me in a senseless conversation about children's clothing. I smiled sweetly and nodded at her pointless remarks. I could see by her facial expressions that she felt like the rear end of a donkey. Her impoliteness was just proof that garbage in equals garbage out. She gave me what she had.Do not let a day go by without telling your loved ones, associates, co-workers and others you come in contact with how glad you are to know them. Speak the words when they are still able to hear and appreciate them. Always give them your best you.*name changed to protect privacyDinorah Blackman-Williams' books may be previewed and purchased at http://www.lulu.com/blackman.
Keyword : Golden rule, compliments, congratulation, asserting others, approbation, happiness,
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